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Episode #110
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Sometimes life happens. Things go wrong. No matter how much we plan to make our lives better, every so often a curve ball is thrown our way. And you have to deal with it, often while you are juggling other things.
In this episode, I talk about a technique that I’ve been using for a few years that is my go-to method to keep me grounded when I’m worrying about something or I have something difficult pop up unexpectedly in my life.
WHAT IT HELPS WITH
From my experience, situations that cause stress, panic or emotional pain happen in one of two ways:
The first is the ‘bolt from the blue’, when you hear or read about something bad that you were not expecting. Like a huge tax bill you were not aware of that you can’t pay, a serious health diagnosis that is a shock or a sudden announcement of redundancy you didn’t see coming.
The second way is the ‘slow burn’, when you hear, read or know about something that might happen, that could go wrong. You build it up in your mind, so much so that your brain actually thinks it will happen, and is already reacting to it like it has. Your stress levels rise and you can’t sleep or stop thinking about it. It can even lead to regular moments of increased panic, where every so often worry intensifies and brings on the same symptoms as the bolt from the blue.
In both situations, you know that you need to deal with it in some way but you are paralysed by fear and worry. Or you make rash decisions that you later regret, like sending an angry email.
What is actually happening is that when your brain senses danger the oldest part of your brain, the amygdala, goes into fight or flight mode. This natural automatic response is designed to protect us. It overrides thinking processes of the frontal lobes of your brain so you can run to safety or fight for survival, if you were about to be attacked by something. It pumps the body with the hormones adrenaline and cortisol to get it ready fro action, but that causes the symptoms I mentioned earlier.
Thankfully, it is not often if ever that we are physically attacked but the amygdala can’t tell the difference between that kind of threat and the pressures and stress of modern life, work, and relationships.
So, you need something that will quickly stop the amygdala from taking over and allow your more rational thinking processes in the frontal lobes of your brain. Then you will be more able to deal with whatever it is that has come up.
WHAT IS THE TECHNIQUE?
The technique I use is a really simple but effective way to pull you back from panic, fear and stress and into calm and focus.
It’s to take comfort in the moment.
I first heard about this technique when I read the book ‘The Power Of Now’ by Echart Tolle. He is a celebrated spiritual teacher and author whose central teaching focuses on the concept of living in the present moment, also referred to as "presence" or "now." This philosophy is deeply rooted in Eastern spiritual traditions, although it isn’t linked to any one religion or cultural system of belief.
In "The Power of Now," he suggests that most human suffering is caused by being trapped in your thoughts about the past or the future, rather than focusing on the immediate present. He says that our minds tend to perpetually cycle through regrets about the past and anxieties about the future, preventing us from fully experiencing and enjoying the present moment. Tolle calls this state of constant mental noise "egoic mind," and he views it as a main source of unnecessary mental pain and distress.
He says that the power of the present moment lies in its ability to bring about profound inner peace and a sense of well-being. By focusing your consciousness on the present, you’re able to attain a state of stillness and presence that can help you get rid of thoughts of the past and future. The past is gone and the future has not happened yet. You are safe and you have time to influence the future.
Although his teachings are spiritually oriented, they can be practically applied in daily life, particularly during challenging situations that might provoke you to react with panic and worry.
HOW TO USE THE TECHNIQUE
Here is the 3 step technique I use in those situations:
1. Pause and Breathe: Take a moment to pause and breathe deeply. This momentary pause creates a space for you thinking brain to take back control, allowing you to respond instead of reacting impulsively. As you breathe in and out, focus on the sensation of the breath filling your lungs and leaving your body. This helps to ground you in the present moment.
2. Take comfort in the moment: Observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment. In a difficult situation, you might find your mind racing with fear-based thoughts or anticipating the worst outcomes. Instead of identifying with these thoughts or trying to suppress them, just observe them as if you are an impartial bystander. This will also help you to create a gap between the thinking mind and your automatic response
This is where I also remind myself that at that moment all is well. Whatever might happen in the future, at that moment it has not happened. I am safe, and secure and I have the ability to change things if I need to.
3. Acceptance: Accept the reality of the present moment. This doesn't mean that you agree with what's happening or that you give up. It means you are acknowledging the situation exactly as it is, without mentally arguing with it. When you resist what’s happening you create conflict within yourself, which leads to stress and anxiety. By accepting this is the reality, that whatever your life or situation was it is in the past and this is now what you need to deal with, you are in a better position to respond effectively and with clarity.
This all can take just a few minutes, but it takes away the immediate fear and allows you to feel calm, focused and present in whatever you need to do. Or if there is nothing you can do, it helps to go from denial to acceptance more quickly so you can start to prepare for what is coming.
Remember, the goal isn't to never feel panic or worry - those are natural human reactions. Instead, it's about learning to respond to these feelings in a way that serves your well-being and aligns with the reality of the present moment.
BOTTOM LINE IS…
This technique will not solve your problems for you, but will put you in the best mindset and position possible to deal with whatever it is life has decided to deal you.
I hope you don’t need to use it too often, but the next time you find yourself starting to panic about something, stop, breathe deeply, remind yourself you are okay in that moment and accept the situation as it is.
You will be amazed at how calm you feel and ready to take action to deal with whatever the situation is.
