APPLE PODCASTS | SPOTIFY | AMAZON | STITCHER
Episode #62
When you make the decision to leave your job to become your own boss it’s a big deal, and you will need a cheerleading squad on hand to help you through the ups and downs of making the change. Ideally, your partner, parents or best friend (whoever it is that you want to have on your side) would be with you all the way from the start and may have worked on your plans with you. But sometimes that isn’t the case and you need to work a bit harder to convince them that this is the right thing to do and you are determined and confident
So how do you do that? Well, the influencing skills you use in the boardroom are not so different to the skills you will need to influence that key person in your life to take a chance and bet on you. To show you how this works, I’m going to take you through steps based on the influencing principles I used to train people when I worked in the corporate world.
Like in a lot of things, preparation is so key when you want to influence someone. So to put yourself in the best position you need to do some homework.
GET CLEAR ON EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT
What business do you want to launch, and what lifestyle do you want it to bring? If you don’t know exactly what you want to achieve, you won’t be able to get your partner to understand. So take your time examining your passion, your purpose, your vision and your values.
When you are crystal clear on what’s important to you, what passion-powered business you want to create and where you want it to take you, you need to think about the impact it will have on your partner. What do you want from them if anything? Do you want them to be involved in the business? Or will they need to be the main breadwinner while you get your business off the ground? Be really clear on exactly what this will mean.
If you can’t have everything you want, consider what you would compromise on, and what would you be willing if anything to delay or not have if your partner is concerned about you taking this leap. Basically, what is your bottom line?
Finally, what do you want from them in terms of this first conversation you will have with them? Do you want them to back you immediately or will it just be the first chat about it and you want your partner to think about it? Do you want to have a full discussion and get to a decision? You need to know, so you can tell your partner.
PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES
You have to remember that your partner will only question your plans because they love you they are concerned for you, and want to make sure you are not making a mistake for yourself and you both as a couple. You need to understand and respect their point of view and not get defensive when they challenge what you are planning. You may have been thinking about this for years but for them, it could have come right out of the blue.
A key way that you can influence them to support your plans is to get in there first with solutions or comfort regarding their worries. If you can show that you have really thought about all the issues they could be concerned about, and you have gone so far as to make sure you have mitigated against them, it will go a long way. They soon will run out of steam if you can show them that actually, you have everything under control.
Write out a list of all the things they could be worried or concerned about in relation to your business and freelance plans, This should be fairly easy as most of them have probably been or still are worries, concerns or things you are freaking out about yourself. But there may be other worries that they have which really don’t bother you. You know your loved ones best, so try and predict what issues they will have.
PICK YOUR MOMENT CAREFULLY
There is the classic saying, you only have one chance to make a first impression and that is definitely the case here. So you need to think about when you will talk to your partner, and what the best time is, because you don’t want to catch them when they are stressed, tired or just in a bad mood.
Also, think about also the best place. Where are they at their most relaxed and happy and where there will be no distractions? Maybe go for a long walk, take a weekend away, go for a meal out in a restaurant or cook a special meal at home. Whatever works for you both and will allow you to talk without interruption.
WHAT’S YOUR OPENER?
Something people always forget when they are preparing is to think about how they will introduce the subject to their partner. What is the first thing you will say to them?
When you know what you will say (I know it sounds a bit crazy) but practice those opening lines beforehand, so you sound confident and fully invested in what you want to say. I know it seems like overkill as this is your partner after all, there is nothing to be afraid of, but just having those opening lines set, makes it a whole lot easier to get started on the conversation and appear confident and determined.
Ok, now we are moving on to actually having the conversation…
TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR VISION
So the first rule of influencing is to be clear about what you want and why, in other words, tell them about your passion, purpose, vision and the business you want to launch to bring them to life. Paint the picture for them of what you see for your future, not actually (unless you actually want to) but give them a real flavour of the business you want to create, why it’s so important to you and what it could mean for you both.
This is your opportunity to show all your enthusiasm, passion and excitement about your goal, which can be really compelling. You should not be too long, maybe a couple of minutes, just giving the key points to get your partner interested to hear more.
LISTEN, LISTEN & LISTEN SOME MORE
Once you have laid out your vision and what you want to achieve don’t jump straight in with your full pitch telling them all about how you are going to make it happen, you need to check in with them. What are their first thoughts? How are they feeling about it? What do they want? Do they also have their own vision for the future? If so, what is it. Then listen to them, even if you are desperate to give them all your pre-prepared solutions to their worries, just let them finish telling you about their concerns and hopefully positive thoughts on the project.
You don’t have to stay mute (that would just be a bit weird!) you can ask questions to clarify if you don't quite understand something, so things like "It sounds like you are saying...," or "What do you mean when you say... or." "Is this what you mean?" To show empathy, you could say things like ‘I get what you're saying’ or “I can understand why you feel that”. Also, if they ask you questions to learn more of course you can answer, just avoid talking too much.
MAKE YOUR PITCH
When you have heard them out and have an idea about what their view is you can put all your preparation to good use. Use what they said as a starting point. ‘Wow them’ with your suggested solutions to their questions and then you can jump into your pitch, showing how much research and planning you have already done. Give them a high-level overview of the business you want to create and its potential revenue and where you would like to take it. Have examples ready of other business owners in this space who have been successful, to show them what is possible.
Then, based on what they have said about what their dreams and vision for the future is, you can discuss with them how it could work for you both to get what you want. Something that is absolutely key in influencing people is to show them what's in it for them! Most people are inherently selfish (even if it's just a little bit) and so they will want to know what are the positives for them in the scenario. So here is where you can share potential benefits for your partner, whatever you think would appeal to them and what they want in life.
PREPARE TO COMPROMISE
The best result would be that your partner would be just as excited as you and admit that they had been feeling the same way and they are fully on board in changing your lives for the better. But if this isn’t the case, you will need to discuss it further and potentially work out a compromise.
That doesn’t mean you will give on your idea completely if they are not on board, let’s be clear you are also not asking permission. This decision to become your own boss is about your life, but you are in a partnership and what you do directly affects them, so you will need to be open to discussing the details and work out what’s best. That might mean you delay things, set your business up on the side first or agree on some other way around any difficulties. If they love you and care about your happiness they will want to find a way that gives you what you want while keeping any concerns they have in mind.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS…
It will be far better for you as you work through the stages of your passion project to have support from your family and friends. Ultimately, you don’t need to have permission from anyone to make your dream happen, but it is far easier to have the backing of those you love and it makes the journey that much more satisfying and joyful to move forward as a team.
