APPLE PODCASTS | SPOTIFY | AMAZON | STITCHER
Episode #63
To listen to the full episode and hear more stories and insights, click on the play button above!
When you are fulfilled you are more confident in yourself, you are happier, you have more self-worth and understand what’s important in life. That in turn positively affects your health and your relationships with those around you.
But what exactly is fulfilment? what does it look like? feel like? and how do you even know if you are fulfilled? Because it’s one of those intangible things. It's not like you reach a state of fulfilment and get an award or a notification on your phone saying ‘congratulations, you are now fulfilled!’ It can creep up on you slowly until one day someone asks you how you are and as you answer the word fulfilled just falls from your lips because that is the only way to describe how you feel.
WHAT IS FULFILMENT?
When you turn to the word experts and look at a few dictionary definitions to see how they have described it, you get some varying descriptions of fulfilment. But there are some key phrases that they do agree on:
- A feeling of satisfaction
- You get it through doing or achieving something
- That something is usually something useful or meaningful
- You have completed or are completing a promise to yourself
Now, although fulfilment can bring feelings of happiness, they are not always hand-in-hand. You can be fulfilled without the need to be always happy. Simon Sinek says The difference between happiness and fulfilment is the difference between liking something and loving something. We don’t necessarily like our kids all the time, for example, but we do love them all the time. So you may not be happy every day in your work (we all get our down days) but you can get through the ups and downs if you know what you're doing has meaning, you are aligned with your purpose, you have passion for your work and you know you are working towards something important to yourself and others.
Being fulfilled in your life isn’t only looking for happiness or success it’s having a sense of completion, of wholeness. It’s about feeling that you have developed, or are on the road to developing yourself to your full potential and even if you have a long way to go you are going in the right direction.
FULFILMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE
Now fulfilment, that wholeness, that sense of completion is going to be different for everyone because it really depends on who you are and where you are in your life, what your goals are and what you are passionate about.
You need to work out what makes you fulfilled because as Tony Robins says, success without fulfilment is the ultimate failure.
That’s why when many successful people achieve what they thought were their goals, like making a certain amount of money or buying a big house or getting a flash car, and then find that they don’t feel as good as they thought they would.
When you work in a job that you don’t believe in, that does not connect to your values or beliefs and that doesn’t use the talents and skills you know you have, no matter how successful you are, how many promotions you have or bonuses you get, there will always be something missing, that elusive thing that gives you that completion.
Because, as soon as you have changed your email signature or the money hits your account, and after the initial burst of pleasure at the reward leaves you, you are back working in the same job, maybe with some changes but ultimately its the same. If your job is not fulfilling you, if it has no meaning to you, you don’t get satisfaction from it, no amount of material things will compensate for that emptiness in your soul. That you are not being the real you, the you that you know you should be.
FULFILMENT IS FLEETING
Now that doesn’t mean that once you do feel fulfilled, when you have that feeling of satisfaction by achieving your goals, you are set forever. As humans, our brains don’t work like that. We will always want more. Because that is how we evolve and progress as a species. You may be really fulfilled in your life, and feel like you are on track and doing something important but then your brain will move the goal posts. What used to satisfy or fulfil you just doesn’t anymore. It may be weeks, months or years after but eventually, we will need something else to meet that need for fulfilment.
When you feel fulfilled in your life, when you get what you want, it only stays enough for a certain amount of time. And that’s ok because change and progress are how you stay fulfilled long term. For example, if you leave your job and become your own boss, just making that decision and starting your business or freelance venture will make you feel fulfilled for a while, but then you will want to grow your business, or take on staff or maybe change direction because when you’ve worked in it for a while you can see other potential and your fulfilment level drops until you have achieved those new goals.
That does not mean you should chase rainbows forever. You have to be clear and strong on what success looks like to you, what is enough and what is most important in your life, so you don’t chase goals that are not what you really want and you don’t mistake contentment with unfulfillment.
HOW CAN YOU ACHIEVE FULFILMENT?
- Well first up, fulfilment can only really come about if you know what you want to achieve, you have set yourself goals and what you are doing is meaningful to you and/or useful or important to others. So, get really clear about what you want in life, and want to achieve and work out how you will know when you’ve achieved it. Also, think about what’s important to you, what your core values are, and what your purpose is, because you won’t achieve fulfilment if what you are going for does not feel right in your gut or does not match your vision of success.
- You also need to grow and develop throughout your life, making sure that you are honing your talents and adding to your skill set. You may need to switch paths or make smaller changes if necessary if the path you are on does not allow you to really be the person you want to be or reach the goals you have set yourself. Many people see change as scary or difficult but it’s often really only through change that you can find fulfilment.
- Saying all that, although you have goals for the future and dreams of what you want to achieve, a key part of fulfilment is also to be appreciative of what you already have. So look back on your past and be grateful for what you have learnt and how you have got to where you are. Focus on the positives and forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made.
- Also, be grateful for what you have already in your life right now. Even if you are unhappy or frustrated or stuck at the moment, there will be parts of your life you are grateful for. An important part of finding fulfilment is to focus on the positive rather than the negative, to not have regrets and to accept what's gone in the past as part of what has led you to this moment.
- You also should stop to celebrate your successes as you move forward, appreciating the work you have put in to meet the milestones you set yourself.
- Finally, a big part of feeling fulfilled is contributing positively to the world in some way, either as part of your work or personal life. Only by giving back do you really appreciate what you already have in life which adds to your sense of fulfilment.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS…
Life is for most people a marathon, not a sprint and it’s unlikely you will be fulfilled all that time. You will go through times of huge fulfilment, and times of unfulfillment, you can’t always control what happens in the world around you. But the trick is to put yourself in the best position to find fulfilment by making sure you are on the right path to achieve your vision of success and by removing any blocks in your way to the life you want.
As mentioned in this episode
Tony Robbins https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/fulfillment/
Simon Sinek
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/whats-difference-between-fulfillment-happiness-simon-sinek
