In this final episode in the fight your fears series, I’m exploring this less obvious but equally constraining fear. I’ll talk about:
What fear of success actually is, how it shows up in your work and life, and what you can do to overcome it.
So when you go for your new career leap, you’re not afraid of what will happen when you land in that success you’ve always dreamed of!
Links mentioned in this episode:
Maddy Savage’s article regarding the research of Professor Johanna Rickna
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20200121-why-promoted-women-are-more-likely-to-divorce
Susan Jeffers Book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
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Fear of Success isn’t really about the Success itself, it’s the potential price of success, what will happen as a result of you achieving your goals.
So how does Fear of Success typically show up and how can you recognise it?
Well it could be that you set yourself limiting goals, those that you know you can hit but that are not stretching you. By limiting yourself in this way you are keeping yourself just small enough not to make a big splash, just a few ripples. So you feel like you have succeeded without the potential price that could come by making it big.
Another sign could be that you procrastinate. This is a really common one and can show up as a result of other fears too. When you fear success, or the results of success, you can make excuses or delay taking the next step, or going for that big job , or launching that side hustle as you know if you succeed things will change, you will be out of your comfort zone, you may be more high profile or have more responsibility. And that can be scary!
Another way you can sabotage your success is not believing in your abilities or worrying that when you make it you won’t be good enough. This one is similar to imposter syndrome, which is where you have reached your success and don’t believe you deserve it or have the skills for it. I cover this in more depth in episode #15 if you want to know more about it.
When you have a fear of success you can use your lack of knowledge or ability to delay pushing forward, for example you could put off doing a course that will help you improve skills you need or putting the skills and talents you have down as being unimportant, when they are the very skills you need.
Finally a classic sign is quitting when you are near to success. So pulling out of an interview process, because you are ‘not ready’ for that level or type of role, or calling off handing in your resignation to make that career change because once the genie is out of the bottle there is no going back. If you succeed in the change it's not only that you will be leaving behind colleagues but you will have to navigate a totally different career path and working world. It all suddenly becomes really real. No longer that fantasy but reality and reality means that you have to go through with it. Even if it's something you really want to do and your instinct screams that it is right, but your ego steps in and starts to make you doubt yourself and gets you thinking that succeeding in achieving that dream role may not be all it's cracked up to be. Better to stay safe, than to have all the change and the uncomfortable moments that may bring.
Are you crazy to fear success? Is it an irrational fear or is there some basis of truth?
Well, no it’s not irrational. Things will change when you achieve success and while there is a lot that will be what you want, there is evidence that sometimes the change can be less than positive.
There are some genuine grounds for concern, but just because something might happen does not mean it will. You are in control and can steer away from the traps.
So how can you overcome the fear of success, avoid the pitfalls and get out of your own way?
The solution lies in rationalising your fears.
The first step, like in dealing with Fear of Failure, is to accept it for what it is. To acknowledge that what you’re feeling is fear of success, and not anything else.
This fear is not as well known and is less common and if you have it, it’s important to know where it has come from. Why are you sabotaging yourself from achieving success? Like many fears it can stem from your childhood. While many parents are encouraging and even push their children to succeed, some can maybe inadvertently make success seem very far off or difficult to achieve, by saying ‘don’t get your hopes up, you may not get it’ or our ‘family are never that successful’, or don’t fly too high on the swing, you may fall’. Obviously, these are meant to keep us from danger, but can end up wiring our brain that success is bad, or too difficult to go for.
Or perhaps it’s because of an experience at work, where you have achieved success and had a negative experience like colleagues shunning you or you have not been confident in your abilities when you did achieve success and the fear was realised.
Whatever it was it’s important to understand where the fear comes from and to deal with the attached emotions and put the incident behind you. This can be short term discomfort for long term gain.
Plan for your success….whatever you fear success will bring, plan for it.
For example, if you’re introverted, make your plan so that it does not involve being in the spotlight, for example if you're starting your own business, you can choose to be more ‘behind the scenes’ and not share too much about yourself. Or you can let your employer know that you will only do a limited amount of external speaking gigs, if that is required in your new role.
Speak to your friends and family, particularly your partner, about your fears that they will see you differently and make sure you include them in your plans, working out in advance how your lives will work once you achieve your success. Check in with them and keep communication strong as you grow and succeed in your new career path.
Another solution is to move away from people that have been feeding this fear. We feed off the fear of others , and if those around you have talked negatively to you about your potential success and what it would bring, they can make you think the same. So if you have friends who get jealous, or who are already saying how much things will change when you succeed you need to think about how you interact with them. If it means you need to limit your time with them, or move them out of your world completely then it’s important you do that upfront before they sabotage your mindset.
Finally, get uncomfortable! To be successful, you’ll need to step out of that comfort zone and do things that stretch you, so although you can choose to avoid some of the potential results of success, some you will need to accept. People will look up to you, people will see you as the expert and they will want to learn from you. They will also want to hire you, pay you or buy from you.
The bottom line is….
Of course there are things that will change because of your success. But they don’t have to mean that it will be for the worse. In fact, the success you have been working towards can bring you all that you dream of. Ultimately, you are in control. You can shape your success however you like. If you don’t want the spotlight on you then you don’t need to. If you don’t want your relationships to suffer, then speak to your partner, friends and family and tell them how you feel. If you are uncomfortable having a large financial gain then make sure to give some to charity.
The results of your success are up to you to craft and as long as you ground yourself in your values and what’s important for you, success will not take that away.
So stop fearing what you could achieve and start making sure that you achieve the success, happiness and fulfilment you deserve!
Join me in the next episode and remember, everyone deserves to live their passion, so get started this is your time!
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