What does it take to be a leading character in a movie? What do the leading stars have that sets them apart from the supporting characters? And how can we become the leading star in our own lives?
In this episode, I’m talking about just that, the characteristics of those stand out leading characters and how you can make sure that you are not the best friend or dare I say it the unnamed part with a cameo role, but are on the centre stage and in charge of the direction and outcome of the blockbuster movie that is your life!
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My hands-down favourite Christmas movie is 'The Holiday'. Yes it's a bit sugary sweet, the timeline is crazy, and there are a lot of holes in the story, but that is what Christmas movies are all about, you don’t think logically, you just go with the flow and let yourself make-believe.
As well as being a great watch and positive energy movie with lots of messages about love and relationships,
WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM 'THE HOLIDAY'
It has two themes we can learn from...
The first is that sometimes it's great to do the unexpected because magic just might happen. Both Iris and Amanda were stuck in self-destructive cycles which, if they hadn’t decided to pull themselves out of their environment and do something out of character like going to another country on holiday on a whim, they may have been stuck in that cycle for far longer. What cycle are you stuck in? Are you doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? If you're not happy with your job or life maybe try something totally out of character or out of the norm for you. It might just trigger some other changes that will turn your life around. Surprise yourself!
The second message is the most memorable for me as when I first watched the movie, this really struck a chord with me and does every time I re-watch it. It's when Eli Wallach’s character Arthur Abbot, who is an old Oscar-winning screenwriter, who has befriended Iris says ‘ Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend’. Then Iris replies ‘You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life for God's sake!’
WHAT EXACTLY IS A LEADING LADY?
A leading lady is an actress who plays the most important female role in a play or movie, the action revolves around them and, after a few problems and trials, they usually end up having the most positive outcome at the finale. Leading ladies in the context of Arthur’s quote are something more than this, the leading ladies of the old Hollywood heyday had something extra that sets them apart.
I don’t think this is just about leading ladies, whatever gender you identify as or if you don't identify as any gender, you should always be the leading character or the star in your own life. No one else will make you the star, you need to make it happen yourself.
WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A LEADING STAR?
You need to consider the characteristics of the classic Hollywood leading lady and apply them to how you live your life:
A leading lady is daring and audacious; they have what the character Arther Abbott says is gumption. Now, when Arthur uses that word he means that the leading lady has the courage or get-up-and-go that makes undertaking difficult things possible. She will stand up for herself and not allow others to treat her badly. Actually, the word Gumption has been around since the 1700s in Britain and in its earliest uses, actually referred to having common sense! It was American English speakers who adopted the word and took it in the new direction we commonly use it now, which is more aligned with Arthur’s meaning. I think it’s a mix of both, it’s courage, energy and determination to get difficult things done, and using common sense to know what needs to be done. Like Iris knowing that she was being treated badly and that the right thing to do is to cut off contact with her ex.
A leading lady knows who they are and is unapologetic about it. It’s important to really get to know yourself; your personality type, your talents and strengths and your habits and quirks. Then accept them and embrace them and not put yourself down or find fault in yourself. So if you are an extrovert, embrace it and use your social skills to their best. If you're an introvert, be proud of it and bring those traits into your life by choosing work or social situations that bring out the best in you. If you’re artistic, share it with others or if you love nothing better than an excel spreadsheet, shout it to the world. We are all different and our differences make us special and unique, don’t apologise for who you are.
As a leading lady, you don’t compare yourself to others because you are the lead, they should be comparing themselves to you right! Just because they have managed to create a fantastic Instagram feed or LinkedIn profile, does not make them better than you. You bring your own magic to the table. Yes, you will always have things you can improve and you should always look to develop yourself if it is to your benefit, but only if you need and want to. Don’t do it because others tell you to or because you have compared yourself to others and want to be more like them. Self-acceptance of who you are and what you look like, and how you think, and not apologising for it, is the foundation of being a leading star
A leading lady also knows what they want from life, goes after it and does not settle. Knowing what you want from life seems easy right? You should know what you want! But it’s not always that simple, the wants and needs of others and past experiences and your own insecurities can make knowing what you really want a bit hazy. But it's important to really take time to think about what you want and then when that is clear be single-minded and determined about making it happen.
Settling for something means to accept or agree to something, or to decide to have something, although it is not exactly what you want or it is not the best.
Settling for something that is not ultimately in your best interests, that is not in line with your vision for the future will eventually grate on you and make you unhappy.
That does not mean that you can’t listen to advice or have to compromise at times, after all, if we all ploughed blindly on regardless towards our dreams without considering advice, learning from mistakes and wider circumstances it would get messy. But it’s your choice whether to accept that advice and how much you are willing to compromise.
Finally, a leading lady has a positive mindset and believes in themselves. They believe good things can happen to them if they can just have the confidence and daring to go for it.
They know they deserve more than the life they currently have and they have the talent and potential to make it happen. They don’t let negativity or doubt creep into their thoughts, or if it does they know how to beat it. Their positive attitude then attracts good things into their life.
Now all that doesn’t mean you can’t also be the best friend character on occasion. The best friend supports the leading character. They create opportunities, pull them out of scrapes and are often the comedy element. Sometimes you need to have that role in your friends' lives, to help them be the leading star, to support their dreams and goals. BUT, if you slip into that role all the time, you can end up the one that is always the helper, the people pleaser and in the worst state, a doormat. You need to have a healthy balance of being the leading star most of the time, with a cameo role as the best friend when needed to support those you love.
Also, being a leading star in your own life does not mean being ruthless, or hurting others as you lead your life, a leading star is not a difficult diva, they are a role model and use their status to do good as well as reach their life goals. You never see a leading movie character stamp all over everyone to reach their happy ending, they bring them all with them as they find happiness.
The Bottom Line is...
The movie of your life deserves a leading star and it should be you, not anyone else, so don’t let yourself slip into a supporting role too often.
By taking on the mantle of a star, having daring and gumption, being unapologetically who you are, not settling for second best, not comparing yourself to others, and being positive about your life and future, you will grow in confidence and will ultimately have the respect and admiration of those around you, including yourself!
