APPLE PODCASTS | SPOTIFY | AMAZON | STITCHER
Can you remember back to a time in your childhood or teenage years, or even in early adulthood when someone said something to you, good or bad, that really stuck with you? You know that one sentence that is something you just can’t forget, it stays at the back of your mind consciously or unconsciously influencing your decisions and behaviours. Now, if what has been said is positive, like a teacher or mentor said that you have a brilliant skill at something or are destined for success, then that’s great as that will have affected you in a positive way.
But, unfortunately, 9 times out of 10 the words you remember most, those words that are seared in your brain, are negative. They are when someone, usually with power or influence in your life, has criticised your behaviour, looks or skills in some way that has cut you to the bone and maybe even reinforced your own negative beliefs and thoughts about yourself. Even though many years may have passed, if you have not done anything to limit the effect those words have on you, you will still be influenced by them.
The fact is words have power and you should be careful who you surround yourself with and most importantly what you tell yourself, particularly when you are making a big transformation in your life.
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF!
When you tell yourself something, positive or negative, your brain looks for evidence as to why that positive or negative thought is true. You have set it on a path to seek out and find everything that reinforces or proves what you have told it. Of course, it then ignores everything else that is opposite to what you tell it while it seeks out its goal.
So if the thought is negative, you will get all the reasons that the negative thought is true, which then can affect your mood, your confidence and behaviours, which then sometimes can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, the thing you thought would happen, happens and then that negative thought is doubly reinforced and becomes even stronger in your mind! You congratulate yourself on how you knew it would happen, that things like that always happen to you and you are just not lucky or talented or good enough; whatever the belief is you have just made it into fact.
The worst thing is, that you may not even know this is happening. Often it happens unconsciously and affects your behaviour without you knowing. You can literally talk yourself into believing you are not good enough.
The more the belief is put into words and reinforced by the feared events actually taking place, the harder it will be to break the cycle. But the good news is there is a way of breaking that cycle!
WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?
You can’t always control what words are said to you or around you, but you can control what you say to yourself and potentially reverse the influence of the words of others.
How do you do this? Well, you can create positive statements that can help you challenge and overcome the negativity. By repeating the positive words regularly, and believing in them, you will start to see a difference. These positive statements are known as affirmations or some people call them mantras.
Now, most of you will have heard of affirmations and you may have some preconceived views on them. I know I did! I thought it was all an over the top gimmick. I had an image in my head of a guy talking into a mirror saying he is the greatest or he is going to smash it in some hyped up crazy way! However, I am now definitely a convert. So many successful people have used them to help keep motivated and reach their goals, they can’t all be wrong.
Jack Canfield the legendary trainer, coach, motivational speaker and author of the famous Chicken Soup for the soul publishing empire says "I have met countless successful business people, Olympic and professional athletes, NY Times bestselling authors, and visionary changemakers who all use daily positive affirmations to stay energised and focused on their goals, no matter what’s happening in the world around them. They have all told me that their daily affirmations practice has had a game-changing impact on their lives"
WHY DO AFFIRMATIONS WORK?
Despite its complex structure, the human brain can get a little mixed up on the difference between reality and imagination. So if you have thought something true, or someone has told you something is true, the brain can’t tell the difference if it's actually true or not. So if you start telling yourself something, repeatedly, the brain starts to believe it is true.
The brain also likes shortcuts. There is so much going on in your brain that to speed things up if something has been ‘proven’ to be true at some point in your life, even if it’s not actually true, it will link that thought to a situation. Like the thought of being terrible at interviews. You think of an interview and immediately think you are terrible at them, without thinking about the reasons why you feel that way. Your brain has created a shortcut.
So you need to rewire your thought patterns in order to change the shortcuts in your decision making. To accept the positive words as fact, and cancelling out the negative.
In other words, when you repeat positive affirmations, you’re encouraging your brain to accept your affirmations as fact (overturning the previous negative belief). This then allows you, consciously or unconsciously, to take action to make whatever is in your affirmation a reality.
Another way that affirmations help train the brain is by giving a pleasure response. An article on the Third Space website cites a study published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience that used MRI to reveal that practising self-affirmation activates the reward centres in your brain. They said that “Simply say to yourself “I got the promotion” and it’ll light up the same reward centres that respond to other pleasurable experiences, such as eating great food. or winning a prize. It fires up your neural pathways and makes changes to those areas of the brain that makes you happy and positive.
This is a massive topic, so if you want to read more about how affirmations work and the science behind it, I’ve put a few links to research and relevant articles below for you to check out.
WRITE YOUR AFFIRMATION STATEMENTS
The best affirmations are those you write yourself because they will be directly related to your goals and specific limiting beliefs. But, when you write your own, there are a few things to consider:
- They need to be in the present tense, even when they are about the future. For example, you could say ‘ I am a happy and successful writer’ even if you have only just taken up writing. Remember, we are tricking the brain to believe it's true so it will start guiding you to make decisions that will make it happen.
- They need to be specific to certain areas of your life. Yes, you can have maybe one general one like ‘This is my time and I’m ready to get started’ but those linked to goals or areas of your life you want to change are more powerful. Like if you are having trouble with public speaking it could be ‘I am an engaging and confident presenter’
- If you are having trouble thinking of any, just reverse a negative thought.
So ‘Money just drains away from me’ could be ‘I am a money magnet’
- Always avoid negative words, even if they are said in a positive way for example
‘I don’t perform badly at interviews’.
There is too much negativity there so instead say ‘I perform well in interviews.
- The affirmation really has to be something that resonates with you, so it feels connected and something you want. You usually find if the affirmation is focussed on something you don’t really care as much about, you will feel it in your gut that it’s not right.
- Finally, keep them short and snappy. You ideally want to memorise them so you are not reading them everyday and can recite them whenever you need to.
HOW TO START USING THEM
You should be repeating your affirmations daily, for them to make the most impact. You can have as many as you like but I suggest a maximum of 10, or it will be harder to keep to the routine.
Ideally you should say them out loud to yourself as that connects with you more, particularly if you stand in front of a mirror and say them to yourself loudly and proudly! You should definitely aim to do this at some point. But if that feels too strange, in the beginning you can read them in your head or write them out again. However you decide to say the affirmations, you should have belief and feeling in the words.
What time of day you actually say your affirmations is really up to you. Grace McGrath, from self-development platform and podcast Finding Your Feet when writing for Style magazine suggests that “first thing in the morning when you’re coming out of a sleep state and last thing at night when you’re winding down and dropping out of your busy, conscious state are good times to perform affirmations.”
However, if that does not work for you, you could have a routine of saying them in your shower, or out on a walk or while you have your breakfast, whatever makes it easy for you to remember.
You can also say them on an ad hoc basis, if you are going into a situation where you need extra confidence, like going into that interview or before a presentation!
Finally, I’m going to repeat this again, repetition is key! You won’t get much out of affirmations if you only say them once in a while.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS…
Affirmations work, as can be proven by a multitude of successful people in business, elite sports and entertainment, and backed up by scientific and psychological study.
By repeating positive affirmations on a daily basis, you can rewire your brain to create a mental image of what you’re trying to achieve or become. This will then lead you to take action in the right direction whether that is consciously or unconsciously.
Positive daily affirmations offer many benefits, from reduced negative thoughts and stress to increased happiness and positivity as well as helping you to take action to make your goals happen.
So, give daily affirmations a try, it’s a no brainer! There is no negative side and you could find that they are a game changer in how you live your life and make the changes
Links mentioned in this episode
https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/daily-affirmations/
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/affirmations.htm
https://www.stylist.co.uk/health/mental-health/how-to-write-affirmations/562073
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6777240/
https://www.thirdspace.london/this-space/2021/02/the-science-behind-positive-affirmations/
