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EPISODE #56
I want you to imagine this scenario…you lie awake at night desperately trying to think of a way of escaping your current job, without losing the safety and stability you have built.
You wake up in the morning and have that gut-wrenching feeling that it’s a work day and you have to get up and put in another day's work on something that you hate.
You add an extra loop around the block on your daily commute because you’re not ready to get to the office yet and face the day
You constantly fantasize about the day you’ll hand in your notice and walk out of the office for the last time
You clock watch, wondering how it’s possible the day could feel so long when you are so busy.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Loathing your job is no fun and a total energy drain. It can be so demoralising to know that although you have loads of plans and ideas of what you can do instead of the job that is sucking the life out of you, there is no way that right now you can think about leaving to pursue your passion into a new business or to work freelance.
I always say that there is never really a perfect time to escape the rat race and start your own business. There will always be challenges to overcome and it is not an easy ride. And I encourage you not to use potential difficulties as roadblocks as I really believe that 9 times out of 10 you don’t need to wait to make your entrepreneurial dreams happen or at the very least get started on those plans. But sometimes, it really is impossible to be able to pursue your dream business and become your own boss right now. There are real genuine reasons like illness, your own or of others around you. Or because you have young children and you need to be 100% there for them, which means not being able to give the time to side hustle or planning towards leaving your day job. Also, the stability of your salary is important to make sure you can give them all that they need. Another reason could be that you are caring for elderly parents and can’t risk their care and because you are looking after them, outside of work you just don’t have the time to think about creating a business, no matter how much you want it.
Now, I’m not saying that having young children or caring for others makes it impossible to start a business and become your own boss, I know many people who have managed just that, but it does make it harder, and the risk is greater because you have other people to think about.
So I get that in some cases, you need to put your one-day dreams on the shelf for a while as you look after those you love. Even if that means you have to stay in a job you have lost your mojo for and dread going to work every day.
So you can’t make a move for 2, 3 or even 5 years, but it does not mean that you can’t try and make things easier for yourself. You can do that in three ways, first work on your mindset, and how you will approach your situation on a mental level. Then think of ways to make your current job more palatable and less stressful for you to work in and finally, by keeping the dream of your ideal business alive so it’s there for you when you are able to make a move in the future.
WORK ON YOUR MINDSET
Your mindset 100% is the most important thing during this time. You may feel stuck, frustrated and resentful to be forced to stay working on something you don’t enjoy, you may feel that life is conspiring against you, that everyone else seems to be able to pursue their passion but you have to put yourself last. But remember those thoughts are useless and will only make you feel worse and do nothing to help your situation. Yes, at this moment in time you are not free to do what you really want, but that won’t last forever. You will be able to pursue your passion in the future, so keep that firmly in your mind.
But at the same time, you don’t want to wish your life away either, it may be a few years until you can start working towards your own goals and you don’t want to be living half a life as you wait it out in your job. After all, you spend upwards of half your waking hours at work. If you can’t stand what you do, it’s hard to feel good about your life. This is where how you approach it mentally is so important. You must make your life the best it can be even without being able to do what you love each day and not being able to call the shots.
You may not have freedom of action, but you do have freedom of thought. No one can take that from you. A major way you can make life better for yourself is to think your way into a more positive frame of mind. Your mind is so powerful, that it is possible to convince it that you are happy, that things are not as bad as they seem.
You may be feeling that you have no control over your life, that you are stuck in a job you hate because you have responsibilities and you can’t change the circumstances you are in right now. When you feel that you have no freedom of choice in your life, you can decide how you will approach it, and you can decide on what attitude you will have towards it. You can decide to think that this is just a moment in time, it won’t last forever, it’s temporary. You will be able to move on eventually, and there are far worse situations that you could be in. You can decide whether you are negative towards your job or positive towards it. After all, just having a job is positive. Many people would do anything to be in your position, so it’s not that bad. It is a means to an end. It pays the bills and it will allow you to live and support your family, until a time when you can move on to do what you want more. Your attitude towards your circumstances is all-important. So like Atlantic rower and motivational speaker Deborah Searle says ‘ Choose Your Attitude’ and you will find it far easier to get through the days, weeks and months ahead.
FOCUS ON MAKING YOUR CURRENT SITUATION BETTER
As well as your mindset, it’s important to put yourself in the best position possible in your current job. Ideally, if you don't like the company you work for you should look at moving to a new role at another company. This is not changing career, so you would still do the same or a similar job, but a lot of the things that frustrate you could be solved by moving to a new company. Sometimes other companies will give you the freedom or autonomy that you have been dreaming of as your own boss and you might end up deciding that you don’t want your own business after all. At the very least it can bring about a change which will sustain you for a while and give you a fresh start. You may even be able to get an increase in level and salary. Yes, you are in the same type of job and you may not be working in something you love yet, but it can give you a better deal than you have now.
Of course, sometimes even changing company is not an option because of the job market, or maybe your job is quite specialised and roles rarely come up elsewhere. Or perhaps you know that wherever you go you are still not going to enjoy your job, so it’s better to stay where you are where you already have a reputation and don't have to start over. This is how felt. I went for interviews with other companies to see if there was a better role for me while I built my business on the side, but I just saw more of the same at those other companies. The same issues, the same frustrations and the same dramas. I decided to stay where I was, as it was not the company or role which was the problem for me, it was the industry and working as an employee.
If you are staying in the same job for a while, until you are free to pursue your passion and be your own boss it’s up to you to make it work for you. Yes, you may be frustrated by some aspects of it, but there are always some things that can brighten your day. You can create little habits and rituals that will break things up. Like always meeting a colleague you like for a coffee in the kitchen, or for an online zoom call, at a certain time. Or every afternoon taking a walk around the office floor and stopping to chat with a few people. It doesn't have to be for long like you are slacking off, but it will give you a break and something to look forward to in your day. Maybe you love to exercise, so you can schedule a run or gym session at lunchtime.
If you have a huge workload then think about how you can delegate to other junior team members. Often they want to learn and taking on extra tasks is seen as a progression for them. If you have been working long hours, think about maybe reducing them in some way. This could be official, like asking HR if you can apply for part-time work, or it could just be deciding you will start or finish 30 mins earlier than usual. Let’s face it, most people work longer than their contractual hours. So if you have fallen into the habit of working long hours, look at cutting them back even if only a couple of days a week.
If you like your colleagues and are a people person, you could get involved in employee activities like the sports and social club if you have one or think about arranging fun activities for employees in the office. Like lunchtime games or after-work drinks.
You could take on interesting projects outside the main remit of your job to add some interest to your day. You get the idea, see if there is anything in your job that could make it more interesting. Think of simple pleasures that keep things interesting and bearable every day.
LET YOUR FRUSTRATION AND FEELINGS OUT IN A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY
If you decide to stay where you are and not go for a new job or work towards your new business yet, then you need to make your peace with that and find ways to make your current situation work for you. You can be complaining about it when you have made the decision to stick it out. Similarly, keep your "I Hate My Job" thoughts to yourself or at least to your family. If you constantly talk about how much you hate what you do, not only will it affect your own mood, it will become difficult for those around you. They will start to avoid you as they know that all they are going to get is more doom and gloom and moaning. We’ve all had those friends that you dread meeting because you know they are going to go on about how much they hate their job or their life, or their boyfriend and how lucky other people are. If you genuinely can’t change your career right now, then there is a level of acceptance you need to have about your life.
You can say to your friends that you are not in a job you want to be in, but are making the best of it and have plans for the future and tell them all about those plans. They will most likely be impressed by your resilience and positivity about the future.
Of course, it’s not good to bottle up feelings either. So when you want to let the difficult thoughts and feelings out, write them down. Or if you don’t like writing, make a voice note. You have all heard me talk about how journalling has been a game changer for me, and I always can tell when I have missed journalling for a while because my mood usually will get darker. Journalling is great to enable you to let all your gremlins out. You can let out all the frustration, anger and feelings of the unfairness of life onto the pages and once you have let it all out, something magic happens, and you start counselling yourself. You start to see ways to help your situation, and will likely feel much better having vented. All without actually sharing it with other people. If you really can’t get rid of the feelings alone, then speak to a coach or mentor who can help you work through your feelings constructively. If you do use friends as a sounding board, then make sure to talk through your solutions rather than just dumping your stress and frustration on them and saying that there is nothing you can do. That is not good for your mental health or the person you are talking to.
START PLANNING BEFORE YOU’RE READY
Another great way to help you feel more positive about staying in a job that you are no longer passionate about is to have a plan. Even if the plan will not come to fruition for quite a while, just knowing that you have mapped a way out and that you have goals beyond what you are currently doing can make it so much easier to get through the day.
Create a high-level plan on how you will build your business. You may not be able to work towards it yet but knowing what you plan to do and having an approximate timeline, will reassure you that your current situation is temporary. Part of that plan can be getting yourself to a situation where it is no longer such a risk to become your own boss and that usually means that you are financially set up to take the chance. So saving will be important. Even if it's only a little bit each month, just the act of saving for something shows yourself and others that you have not given up on it.
ENJOY YOUR PASSION AS A HOBBY FIRST
I usually advise starting out a new business as a side hustle, so you can get comfortable that it is a valid business before you leave your job. But sometimes that is not possible if the company you work for has rules about having a second form of income or sometimes you just don’t have the time to focus on a business as well as a day job and other responsibilities. If that’s the case then explore your business idea as a hobby. When you do have some free time enjoy it without the expectation that it will become something more. You can also use this time to get clear on your passion, to study and learn more about the business you want to eventually set up. Think of the time you have working in a job you don’t enjoy as a gift. Because you don’t need to worry about the job being your future, you just have to do it and do it well but not invest any of your heart and soul in it. Which allows you to then put all your love and dreams and wishes into your hobby. So that by the time you are ready to turn it into a business, it is fully formed and ready to be unleashed on the world.
FOCUS ON YOUR HEALTH
Finally, focus on your health and wellbeing. Working in a job you don’t enjoy or in an environment that frustrates you can be really draining. So you need to really focus on your physical and mental health.
What you put into your body, how much sleep you have, and how much you exercise are all things you can control so use this time to get them all on track. At the very least you could make this period of your life a time you really look after yourself and who knows you may find a sport or activity that you really enjoy and you can become an expert at.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS…
When you are stuck in a job that you no longer enjoy but can’t quit, make your life bearable while not giving up on your ‘one-day’ dream.
Before long, you will have navigated this period of your life and will be able to move on to the next stage when you can work in what you love and have the freedom to be your own boss. I promise you, it’s not as far away as you think!
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